October 9, 2014 by Zuri
Today I wandered through the aisles of my local grocery store, and I got to ice cream. I wanted ice cream so badly. It’s my go-to mood food. When I’m down, it’s where I turn, and I’ve been super down lately. I had hoped that maybe there was a soy alternative to ice cream, but no, I’ll probably have to go to Whole Foods for that one. Going up and down a few more aisles, I got to breakfast cereal and thought – hey! Checks are gluten free! Maybe I can get that! Finally found it and looked at the label – “Fructose”. Sigh. Put it back on the shelf and left the store near tears.
I’m so angry and frustrated with this whole diet thing. It’s only been nine days and I’m so hungry. I’m a bigtime snacker and I’ve got nothing to snack on. No sweets that I can find that follow the diet, so my sweet tooth is raging. Everything I eat is bland and lifeless because I can’t figure out how to spice things properly. I look for recipes online and everything comes up baking baking baking. I couldn’t give a rats ass about baking right now. I want food.
The harder it is to maintain this diet, the more I want to cheat, even though I know in the end it’ll make me feel miserable. I’m only in minimal discomfort right now, which is good, but I don’t know what actions I’m taking that are making me feel better – is it the gluten free? is it FODMAP free? I don’t understand.
This would be so much easier if my doctor had assigned me a dietitian, but no, the insurance company won’t approve it.
Over the last week, this is the closest I’ve come to just completely giving up, and living another 20 years with the pain. I don’t really know what to do any more. Fellow sufferers, any advice?